Name : Christopher M. Kavanagh Nickname : senestra Section 1 - History Town of birth : Born and raised in a briar patch in Birmingham. Least favourite nickname at school : You English Bastard! Parents are Irish and we lived there for many years and school was hell because of my birthplace, oh it was awful. I am all over it now though. Years in Brum/Date of most recent visit : 13 relatively trouble-free years. Length of time on BrumGoth : Including today? Two glorious days! Brumgoth you've known the longest : Including Bex? Bex. "My first snog was really... : strange - It wasn%27t like kissing a mirror at all; More like a Danish pastry!" Section 2 - Geography Current Home : A lovely garden in Gravelly Hill. Clubs commonly visited : Golf, tennis...Lap-dancing... How often are you in Edwards No8 nightclub : Including today? Never. Favourite pub in Brum : I am teetotal (Can a Goth be in such a state?) "The most amusing place I ever fell asleep was : somewhere biologically obscene" Section 3 - Biology Hair colour : Dark Brown Eye colour : Well, my sclera are white, shot though with red capillaries and my irises are dark brown. Height : 177cm Weight : 76kg Biological Sex : No - Never, never. Gender (1-Male 10-Female) : 1 "The most public place I ever had sex was : during my third year at Bangor in a halls of residence kitchen - I was younger back then, I thought I was king of the world; I mostly remember the smell of beer and fags" Section 4 - Maths Decade of birth : When man thought going to the moon was cool and still the most cost effective way of exploring the solar system - not Mental age : Began right around the mid 1980s and ended somewhere around Ash Wednesday Number of BrumGoths snogged : Including you? None Number of BrumGoths you have ever shared a bed with : To my knowledge? None. "A BrumGoth in bed is worth : Missing... - An episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Willow is in it a lot - and I mean a lot! Who needs Buffy? - Any Kevin Smith movie when Jay and Silent Bob are in full swing... - The bit in Star Trek 3 when Kirk says to the Klingon commander - "You Klingon Bastard - You killed my son" (historical note; in the T.V. version, BASTARD was changed to BANDIT)... - That bit in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, when Frank%27n%27Furter realises that Doctor Scott is in the Zen Room... - Every time someone said "Ya" in Fargo... - That bit in Ring (Japanese version) when Sadako crawls out of the T.V. Holy Moly! - Ghost World... - That bit in Aliens, when Hudson says to Vasquez - "Hey Vasquez, Have you ever been mistaken for a man?" and quick as a flash, Vasquez retorts - "No, have you?"... - Roger Moore as James Bond - especially The Spy Who Loved Me - When the Belly Dancer Cries out - "Oh no, I%27ve lost my charm! - Quick as a flash, Roger Moore retorts (as he adjusts his tie) - "Not from where I%27m standing!"... - Stella Street." Section 5 - Current Affairs Current profession : Science Teacher... But not for very much longer! Yippee! Current relationship status : Single - and loving it (say this last bit in a sly Homer Simpson voice). Currents of Raisins : Monukka raisins or Muscat raisins? You haven%27t specified. You haven%27t even mentioned Sultanas. Anyway, I gave them up for lent one year back in the 1990s and just kept on going. Besides, It would be impossible to choose (unlike the %27daddy or chips%27 dilemma - its the chips, case closed.) as they both come from the grape, with the currant coming from the Black Corinth grape. Interestingly enough, the name currant (not to be confused with the fresh berries of the same name) is probably a corruption of the word Corinth. The first raisins were undoubtedly grapes that had dried naturally on the vine, but more than 3,000 years ago people were picking grapes and laying them in the sun to dry--a process that has remained virtually unchanged...They are also nutritious... Section 6 - Music Favourite band/artist : Lush/Kristen Hersh (can a Goth like such things?) Favourite five songs : Gut Pageant - Kirsten Hersh Science Fiction Double Feature - Richard O%27Brien In-a-gadda-da-vida - Iron Butterfly (the 17min version!) Deadbeat Club - The B52s Smoke rings - Laurie Anderson Favourite five albums : Gasatanka - Shonen Knife. Release of an Oath...The Electric Prunes. Sunny Border Blue...Kristen Hersh. Gala...Lush. The Flaming Lips...Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots. Most annoying record ever written : Anything - ANYTHING remotely resembling R%27n%27B; But mostly "Oh my father had a rabbit" (by Terry (El Tel) Wogan I think. Annoying in the same fluffy bunny rabbits aren%27t) Section 7 - Cookery "Pizza is : a dish that is best served cold, it is very cold in space...Ah, Kirk my old friend..." If we had a party, what could you make food-wise : Boiling hot water - and plenty of it. Section 8 - Fashion Favourite item of clothing : Bright red 3-Ply Gore-Tex Jacket made by Phoenix. Most embarrassing item of clothing : Short-sleeved salmon (not pink, mind - salmon) coloured button down shirt - Well, I have to wear something to school. Number of boots owned : including two pairs of mountaineering boots? Two. Number of combat trousers owned : I have a couple of pairs of Rohan walking trousers - will they do? Number of stockings owned : no, never, never. Last clothing purchase : socks Next clothing purchase : socks "I would not be seen dead in Edwards No8 nightclub in : side a Godzilla suit that turned out to really be Godzilla, which meant that he had eaten me - so in a way, I would be dead; Well slowly being digested anyway." Section 9 - Philosophy "The best way to make coffee is : a completely meaningless question. What is coffee? What is existence? How do I know that I am actually making coffee, I could be making feta cheese or beef stew? The best way to make coffee is not to think too hard about it and just get on with it - as it will be cold by the time you drink it - what is hot, it could be that we got it wrong when we evolved. It may be that hot is cold and cold is hot? The other way to make coffee is to avoid using the following ingredients: lager, cider, blackcurrant, tea, currants, raisins, sultanas, hundreds and thousands, acid, cyanide. If you do want to make a really good cup of coffee, use the simple formula below to make the perfect cup: If Ex=0 then false: If Cf=0 the false: If Ex=1+Cf=1 then C<>10+Sn? +Sx? +W=1 = A cup of hot coffee Then. Let (C<10) be a small coffee cup - like the kind you get from the canteen at the top of Rackhams. Let (C>10) be a full sized coffee mug - like the kind you see builders drinking from when the slackers should be building. Let (Cf=1) you want to make a cup of coffee. Let (Cf=0) you don%27t want a cup of coffee, maybe a fruit tea or something. Let (Sn=1) sugar Let (Sn=0) No Sugar - maybe sweetex? Let (Sx=1) Sweetex Let (Sx=0) No Sweetex, but you could chose sugar or just not have anything at all. Let (W=1) Water is hot Let (W=0) Water is cold (turn on kettle) Let (Ex=1) you actually exist and want a cup of coffee Let (Ex=0) You are the following - dead, existing in another dimension and you don%27t drink coffee or coffee is what you do when you go to the bathroom, you are from an earlier time period and the coffee bean hasn%27t evolved yet, you never existed so there is no point in making a cup of coffee." How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb? : {Let, The number of Goths = G (n), Light bulb needs changing = (L=true) Light bulb doesn%27t need changing (L=false)} This depends entirely on your inertial frame of reference. >From the inertial reference frame of the light bulb G (n) = 0 is true. Since, the time interval for which the bulb doesn%27t need changing (L=false), can be subdivided almost infinitely, and by the time you reach Planck Time, the question becomes totally meaningless as the laws of physics break down and the concept of the light bulb becomes meaningless anyway. Conversely, G (n) = infinite is also true using the same argument above, but substituting L=true for L=false. From the inertial reference frame of the Goth, G (n) = Infinite according Bryce S. DeWitt%27s solution to the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics in that all the possible outcomes of an experiment occur. However, if there are an infinite number of Goths changing an infinite number of light bulbs, then G (n)=0 is also true. For if there are an infinite number of Goths changing an infinite number of light bulbs, then there are also a infinite number of light bulbs that never have a Goth to change them because there are an infinite number of scenarios where (L=false). I%27m sorry, what was the question again? The best thing to do with a sleeping BrumGoth is : Anything you want to? The most useful lesson I ever learnt on a Brumgoff night out is : Is never, never count your chickens before they have hatched, or was it don%27t put all your eggs in one basket... Any additional comments : Well, by now, you must have realised that I am only on the threshold of becoming a Goth. I have never had any Goth friends to advise me on the finer details of Goth - Music, Clothes and Clubs. I have been to the Oasis Market though. Seriously though, I know that this would be the right thing to do. Back

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